Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Captain on NBC, legally downloading stuff illegally, and of course, the preview of Iron Man 2


For those of you who don't know, My nickname, Captain Awesome, which everybody around me agrees is the perfect nickname for me, is stolen from a character from the TV series Chuck, Captain Awesome being Devon Woodcombe, Chuck's brother-in-law.

On Chuck, the show is amazing by it's own-self. It has everything a person with taste would want, action, romance, a great musical soundtrack, references to great movies and TV shows like The Godfather, and of course, Jeffster!

Reviews and critical reactions to each and every episode of Chuck has been high, ranging between B+ till A+ on average. So why does NBC want to cancel the show every season?

Yes, you've read right. NBC has cancelled one of the highest rated shows of the past three years because the show has low ratings. And why does it have low ratings? Because Chuck is shown on a Monday, which is traditionally a comedy day. Thus it competes with great comedies like the Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men and How I Met Your Mother.

So NBC is trying to cancel a show that doesn't do too well because of NBC.

It seems TV channels love to do this. Cancel shows that actually have meaning. Yet The Hills and My Super Sweet Sixteen is shown every week and turns brats into more brats.

Sadly, they also make the TV shows that we love but end up getting cancelled. It's a chicken and egg situation.

On Graboid

I spend about 23 hours a week watching a form of visual entertainment (thats video for the encyclopediacilly challenged). About an hour or two goes to Football, while the rest are on my computer.

"But Captain, isn't downloading films and TV series expensive and illegal?"

It isn't if you use this.

Yes. Graboid Video. The application that has saved me when Ares and LimeWire have failed.

It's simple enough to use. You just pay A$14.99 (about MYR 50) and you can download 50 Gigabytes worth of video.

Yes! 50 Gigs! That's an unaccountable number of video minutes.

And it's fast too. It you have a normal 1mb/s connection, you can download a 30 minute video in 32 minutes.

So it's 1% the price of buying illegal DVD's at your friendly neighbourhood illegal DVD shop, and it's faster than having to wear clothes, get in your car, reverse out, drive, look for the DVD, pay the cashier, get back in your car, drive, stop at 7-Eleven to buy some snacks, drive back home, open the gate, enter your house, sneak the DVD into your room cause your parents want you to be ethical and buy original DVD regardless of the fact that your allowance/wages hasn't received an increment in years, go to your room, switch on your computer, change back into your comfy clothes, and start watching.

Iron Man 2

No Spoiler, No Worries.

Why am I not surprised that I'm unable to get tickets for Iron Man 2?

And that's the preview for Iron Man 2.

Seriously, why should I write anything else if that line says it all?

Captain Awesome has left his consciousness.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Kick-Ass lives up to it's name, except in the eyes of the professionals

Minor Spoiler alert

What is it about reviewers that makes me go up-and-down crazy mad? They're self-preening, idiotic, self satisfied living-in-moms-basement virgins with no sense of sartorial elegance (Yes, I know the irony of me saying this. But if I don't, who will?). I feel like punching them in the face. Sadly, I don't know what they look like (that's probably why they are critics. Nobody wants to look at them and they can't become actors).

Take, for example, the legendary Roger Ebert. Go Google his picture and you will see that he was born in a time that they used anvils as retainers and braces, and he never took them off.

What's even worse is his review on Mark Millar, John Romita, Brad Pitt and Matthew Vaughn's Kick-Ass.

"Shall I have feelings, or should I pretend to be cool? Will I seem hopelessly square if I find “Kick-Ass” morally reprehensible and will I appear to have missed the point?"

This is a man who gave The Godfather Part II a 3-star rating and The Godfather Part III a 3-and-a-half-star rating. And his reviews are syndicated to 200 newspapers worldwide. The public, and I mean the word on a global scale, pay our politicians and sportsmen to be stupid. Now we pay our critics too?

I seriously think that as people who are supposed to represent the public opinion, critics have absolutely no idea what the people want. Time and time again, they review something, say the like it or don't like it, yet our feelings are completely opposite of it. I, Robot is the perfect example of this. So is Kick-Ass

Let me tell you what the movie is all about. It's about freedom.

Yes, yes I sound American.

But look at it this way. I come from a country where swearing is socially acceptable yet is a crime by law. Yet this movie was barely censored regardless of all of the carnage (literal and physical) that came out of it. The language used would make Sir Alex Ferguson blush and the carnage makes Kill Bill seem like a walk in the park in a lazy Sunday afternoon with your lover (unless, of course, you're in my country. The punishment for walking with a lover is getting your head cubed).

It shows that finally, after an ice age (the real thing, not the movie), two World Wars and the invention of toasters that can burn faces on your toast, mankind has finally lost his inhibitions and accepted the deviant as the norm (for you mungo's out there, go check the dictionary for the meaning of that). It's accepted that violence and swearing are normal, and as long as we don't do it in real life, it's good entertainment to watch.

The Green Condom and Cher Jr.

I wont bore you with the summary of the film. Instead, I'll just give you the Why's and Why Not's.

Why (should you watch this film): It's fun, well scripted, well acted and highly entertaining. There's hardly any scene of the movie that is not awesome. The soundtrack is great too. Look out for music from the earlier Batman movies and 28 Weeks Later.

Why Not: The costumes are horrendous. Next to Red Mist, the superheroes literally looks like things you could find in Elton John's closet (why is Elton John, a gay man with great musical genius at his fingertips, dressed like a clown in every picture he's in?). Oh, and Nic Cage was rubbish. Something about putting on a fake French Beard makes it impossible to actually understand the crap that's spewing out of his mouth.

Rating: 4/5

A couple of other reviews from the professionals.

A Good One: io9

A Horrible One: Ebert's idiotic heap of dung

Coming Soon: I'll fight the TV channels of America, teach you how to download movies and TV shows legally yet at 1% of the price, and of course, the preview to Iron Man.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The one where we look into the future

This has been coming for a while now. I was itching to set up this blog for months, and I decided to end this procrastination when I was watching V for Vendetta, and thought to myself "I've seen this movie 3 times before. I need a new outlet".

And thus, Captain's Awesome's Review is borne.

I'm gonna mainly review and preview movies and TV shows, although I'll do some music and events if I feel it necessary. And I'll try to keep the insults to a minimum, okay?

It's April 2010. Seriously. There is nothing good on right now in the cinemas. Thus, let's see what there is to look forward to for the rest of the year.

- Kick-Ass

Starring:  Aaron Johnson
                   Christopher Mintz-Plasse
                   ChloĆ« Grace Moretz
                   Mark Strong
                   Nicolas Cage

Next to the last two names, I bet you people haven't even heard who the others are. Shame on you. I haven't either. 

Let me try to get the premise of this movie correctly. A city full of crime, and people sick of it dress up in costume to fight them. Only thing is, they're not Bruce Wayne rich, so they make do with what they have.

Sounds like a Sex Pistols album to me.
I can't bloody wait.

- Iron Man 2

Starring: Oh you know whose in it! Sherlock Holmes, the Coldplay guy's wife, the most underrated actor in the world (next to Alan Rickman and Gary Oldman) Mickey Rourke, and of course, the most unbitchy popular actress who can actually act (I'm talking about Scarlett 'ooh la la' Johansson).

Yes. Cue Black Sabbath & AC/DC. I actually think that that those two bands are the perfect metaphor for Tony Stark (for you imbeciles out there, and my mom who isn't one but hasn't seen the first movie, he is Iron Man). A lot of people are absolutely disgusted by them. A lot of people think they're bloody geniuses.

The First Iron Man and Chris Nolan's Batman series are re-imagining what it means to make a superhero film. It's not about explosions, it's about what causes them. I just wish Michael 'Boom' Bay understood that.

- Shrek Forever After

Starring: Wayne Rooney - Shrek
              Ruud Van Nilsterooy - Donkey
              Richard Hammond - Puss in Boots

Seriously. Go Google their pictures. The similarities are uncanny.

Ah Shrek. The Spongebob of films (or is Spongebob the Shrek of TV?). It's our favorite fairy tales given very sarcastic adult themes. It's like your boss telling you 'Excellent job. Good Boy'. Praising you yet not really respecting you.

If that's not the reason to watch the movie, then seeing a fat Puss in Boots looking like Garfield is.

- Sex and the City 2

Starring: That horse faced lady, two other ugly women, one rather pretty one, and Hannah Montana.

Why? Easy. Study by the UNY shows that a womans libido goes up 37% when watching SATC, a.k.a. it's viagra for women.

The Karate Kid

Starring: Will Smith's kid and Jackie Chan.

Hollywood seems to be in the mood to spoil my childhood. First with that Transformers 2 crap, and then G.I. Joe. They even spoiled the Smurfs, by mixing it with Dances with Wolves (For you people with wit of the same amount as a giraffe, I'm talking about Avatar). Let's see if Jackie can spoil that too.

The Other Guys

Starring:  Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, and co-stars Samuel L. JacksonDwayne JohnsonEva MendesMichael KeatonSteve CooganAnne Heche and Derek Jeter.

If that's not a reason to watch it, I suggest you never go near a cinema ever again.

The Green Hornet

Starring: Some not very famous people and Seth Rogen.

Why? Why not? the TV series was way underrated and spoiled Bruce Lee's career for a while. This, if anything, hopefully, should be good.

And of course.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1.

I can't find me a proper trailer of this, so I'll just elaborate. It will be epic, mainly because it will be long. It will be the "Lord of The Rings" of the Harry Potter movie. Trust me, I know this.

Other movies to look forward to:

Yogi Bear
Tron Legacy
Little Fockers
Paranormal Activity 2
Despicable Me
Toy Story 3
Prince of Persia

I'll end with a joke.

The twin towers...was my favourite Lord of the Rings film.