And thus, Captain's Awesome's Review is borne.
I'm gonna mainly review and preview movies and TV shows, although I'll do some music and events if I feel it necessary. And I'll try to keep the insults to a minimum, okay?
It's April 2010. Seriously. There is nothing good on right now in the cinemas. Thus, let's see what there is to look forward to for the rest of the year.
- Kick-Ass
Starring: Aaron Johnson
Christopher Mintz-Plasse
Chloë Grace Moretz
Mark Strong
Nicolas Cage
Next to the last two names, I bet you people haven't even heard who the others are. Shame on you. I haven't either.
Let me try to get the premise of this movie correctly. A city full of crime, and people sick of it dress up in costume to fight them. Only thing is, they're not Bruce Wayne rich, so they make do with what they have.
Sounds like a Sex Pistols album to me.
I can't bloody wait.
- Iron Man 2
Starring: Oh you know whose in it! Sherlock Holmes, the Coldplay guy's wife, the most underrated actor in the world (next to Alan Rickman and Gary Oldman) Mickey Rourke, and of course, the most unbitchy popular actress who can actually act (I'm talking about Scarlett 'ooh la la' Johansson).
Yes. Cue Black Sabbath & AC/DC. I actually think that that those two bands are the perfect metaphor for Tony Stark (for you imbeciles out there, and my mom who isn't one but hasn't seen the first movie, he is Iron Man). A lot of people are absolutely disgusted by them. A lot of people think they're bloody geniuses.
The First Iron Man and Chris Nolan's Batman series are re-imagining what it means to make a superhero film. It's not about explosions, it's about what causes them. I just wish Michael 'Boom' Bay understood that.
- Shrek Forever After
Starring: Wayne Rooney - Shrek
Ruud Van Nilsterooy - Donkey
Richard Hammond - Puss in Boots
Seriously. Go Google their pictures. The similarities are uncanny.
Ah Shrek. The Spongebob of films (or is Spongebob the Shrek of TV?). It's our favorite fairy tales given very sarcastic adult themes. It's like your boss telling you 'Excellent job. Good Boy'. Praising you yet not really respecting you.
If that's not the reason to watch the movie, then seeing a fat Puss in Boots looking like Garfield is.
- Sex and the City 2
Starring: That horse faced lady, two other ugly women, one rather pretty one, and Hannah Montana.
Why? Easy. Study by the UNY shows that a womans libido goes up 37% when watching SATC, a.k.a. it's viagra for women.
The Karate Kid
Starring: Will Smith's kid and Jackie Chan.
Hollywood seems to be in the mood to spoil my childhood. First with that Transformers 2 crap, and then G.I. Joe. They even spoiled the Smurfs, by mixing it with Dances with Wolves (For you people with wit of the same amount as a giraffe, I'm talking about Avatar). Let's see if Jackie can spoil that too.
The Other Guys
Starring: Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, and co-stars Samuel L. Jackson, Dwayne Johnson, Eva Mendes, Michael Keaton, Steve Coogan, Anne Heche and Derek Jeter.
If that's not a reason to watch it, I suggest you never go near a cinema ever again.
The Green Hornet
Starring: Some not very famous people and Seth Rogen.
Why? Why not? the TV series was way underrated and spoiled Bruce Lee's career for a while. This, if anything, hopefully, should be good.
And of course.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1.
I can't find me a proper trailer of this, so I'll just elaborate. It will be epic, mainly because it will be long. It will be the "Lord of The Rings" of the Harry Potter movie. Trust me, I know this.
Other movies to look forward to:
Yogi Bear
Tron Legacy
Little Fockers
Paranormal Activity 2
Machete
Despicable Me
Toy Story 3
Prince of Persia
I'll end with a joke.
The twin towers...was my favourite Lord of the Rings film.
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